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World
Humpgate: When Botox Goes Too Far in the Desert
AL MUSANAA, Oman — In a tale that has sent shockwaves through the camel beauty community, 20 camels were unceremoniously booted from the 2026...
Sports
Iditarod Remains Only Sport Where the Field of Play Includes “Whatever Wants to Kill You Today”
NOME, Alaska — Officials with the Iditarod Trail Sled Dog Race confirmed Thursday that the event remains the only organized sport where the official...
Texas
Scientists Detect Gravitational Waves From Colliding Black Holes; Corpus Christi Still Unable to Locate Reliable Water Supply
CORPUS CHRISTI, Texas — In a stunning breakthrough for modern physics, scientists have successfully detected faint ripples in spacetime caused by two black holes...
USA
Oklahoma Man Refuses to Spring Forward, Forces Entire Town Into Chronological Chaos
TAHLEQUAH, Okla. — In a stunning act of civil disobedience that experts are calling “the darkest hour of the year,” an Oklahoma man has...
Sports
Colorado Ultramarathon Winner Admits He Only Listened To David Goggins Yelling At Him For 14 Straight Hours
SILVER PEAK, Colo. — In a performance sports scientists are calling “medically concerning but technically effective,” ultramarathon runner Kyle Benton stunned competitors last weekend...
Health
Nation’s Men Achieve Enlightenment After Realizing They Can Simply Become a Different Person’s Face
In what sociologists are calling “the most optimistic delusion since cryptocurrency,” thousands of young men across the internet have embraced a new lifestyle movement...
Science
California Squirrels Discover Meat, Declare Nuts ‘Last Season’
Fashion has always borrowed from the animal kingdom.
Leopard prints, snakeskin boots, the occasional ethically ambiguous mink shrug. But for the truly forward-thinking dresser, inspiration...
USA
Parents Spend Week Preparing Kids For Daylight Saving Time; Children Respond By Waking Up At 4:58 A.M. Anyway
After a full week of preparation that one parent described as “a mixture of science, ritual sacrifice and blind optimism,” families across the country...