Texas
Corpus Christi Officials Deploy Berserker Motorcycle Gangs To Secure South Texas Water Supply, Immediately Lose Track Of Most Of Them
CORPUS CHRISTI, Texas — Facing a worsening water crisis and a public increasingly concerned about phrases like “aquifer depletion” and “municipal panic rationing,” Corpus Christi officials have unveiled a...
Sports
Spurs Legend George Gervin Lowers Thermostat, Goes to War Over “Iceman”
SAN ANTONIO — Declaring “history is not a group project,” San Antonio Spurs legend George Gervin has officially moved to freeze Chicago Bears quarterback...
Technology
Texas A&M Scientists Invent Super Foam to Silence “We’re Back” Chant from UT Fans
COLLEGE STATION, Texas — After decades of suffering the sonic assault of University of Texas fans screaming “We’re back!” at every conceivable sporting and...
Business
SXSW Attendees Spend $2,000 To Quietly Realize Everyone’s Startup Is Just ChatGPT
AUSTIN, Texas — Thousands of tech founders, investors, and exhausted content creators gathered this week at South by Southwest, where many slowly came to...
Texas
Buc-ee’s Declares Legal War On Cartoon Moose, Warns America “No Mammal Is Safe”
LAKE JACKSON, Texas — In what legal scholars are calling “the most aggressive mascot crackdown since corporations realized animals can’t afford lawyers,” Texas travel-center empire...
Texas
Scientists Detect Gravitational Waves From Colliding Black Holes; Corpus Christi Still Unable to Locate Reliable Water Supply
CORPUS CHRISTI, Texas — In a stunning breakthrough for modern physics, scientists have successfully detected faint ripples in spacetime caused by two black holes...
Texas
Houston Rodeo Introduces ‘Influencer Petting Zoo’ Where Visitors Can Feed Content Creators Brisket
Officials from the Houston Livestock Show and Rodeo this week were proud to unveil what they called their “most interactive exhibit yet,” announcing the...
Texas
A Yankee’s Survival Guide to Buc-ee’s
For Yankees visiting Texas during spring break, there are many cultural adjustments to make.
The weather is hotter. The trucks are bigger. And the gas...
Sports
Dallas Area Golf Clubs Introduce New Tier: “Platinum But Humble”
DALLAS — With initiation fees soaring into the “second lake house” range, Dallas-area golf and country clubs have leaned fully into their brand identity:...
Food
RFK Jr.’s “National BBQ Tour” & the Accidental Meat‑State Diplomacy
In what insiders are calling “the most Texas thing to ever happen in Washington,” U.S. Health Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. recently kicked off...
Sports
Jerry Jones’ Latest Blueprint: “All In, But Strategically All In”
When Jerry Jones speaks, microphones lean forward.
And in his most recent round of comments about restoring the Dallas Cowboys to “prominence,” “relevance,” and possibly...